who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
