was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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