DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
