Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
