That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
