batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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