roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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