I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
