I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
