chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
