Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
