Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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