Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
