Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
