Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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