i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
