I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
