Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize