Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They have beer where we have blood.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
