I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
