Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
