I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
