yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
