ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
