I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
