i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
