Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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