A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
