I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
