Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
