So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
