We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
