I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if only i could text you this smell
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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