; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize