i need an iv and a liver transplant
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
