Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize