dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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