what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
