I could make wine with my vomit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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