well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
