I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
