Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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