God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize