The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
