I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
