Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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