Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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