Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
