Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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