In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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