My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
