Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
