Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
