I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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