More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
