Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
