people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
