I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
