New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hippo gnu deer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
