we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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