i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
