I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
