Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
