You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
